The month hasn’t ended yet but a lot of things have happened, things I never thought would happen. It was sort of surreal, kind of like serendipity. It just happened when I wasn’t even looking for it. I had fun and for the first time in a long ass time, I felt appreciated and yes, there are a lot of kilig vibes. I didn’t expect it but that fact that it happened made me happy.
Despite the abundance of “kilig” moments, right now, when it’s time to be serious and get my head back in the game, I need to distance myself. I need to get back to being serious and just press pause on these moments. I need to put back that “civility” between us. Mahirap na pag na involved ang feelings.
As my motto goes… STUDY NOW, LOVE LATER. I promised myself I’d stand by that. It might prove to be difficult but I’ll stand by that.
I’ve never been one to put malice when I do something affectionate to a friend. It’s like my endearment. I like to give hugs and I like to get hugs. Like a quote I read somewhere, and I’m totally paraphrasing, a hug is like being encased in comfort, safety and love and it’s something you can freely give.
Today, seeing that the weather was totally freezing our asses off, added with the two air conditioning systems fired up (WTH), I was in a mood to give/get hugs. I’ve been doing this since my classmates and I have grown close, the point where I’ve thought of them as brothers and sisters (and sometimes as my kids when I go “president” mode on them). So yeah, I guess it’s something I’m comfortable with. I even beso my classmates, yes, guys included. And no, no malice. I mean, we’re all grown up here and we’re in law school, a professional school, I think it’s time that we stop being close-minded and shit.
If a classmate and I hug, there is nothing more to that than a way of saying “hi” or maybe “i miss you” at most (we get clingy when we’ve been apart during breaks). It’s a hug. It’s not like we’re going at it right then and there. No malice (I’ve repeated this a lot, huh? I’ll explain why soon). It’s purely on a friendly level.
So what if we hugged? Yes, I’m aware of his “damoves” and I’m aware that you have a thing for him (obvious kaya the way you reacted in fb and the names you called me). To me, it was a friendly gesture, an endearment. If it was different to him then that’s his problem as well as if it’s different to you then that’s YOUR problem.
I’m trying to not assume things because they just lead to disappointments (famous quote somewhere).
Do not ruin my name just because I’m good friends with the person you’re crazy about (yes, it’s that obvious, sweetie).
I know it’s quite weird that it took me three days since 2014 began to actually realize these things. I’ve been busy. I’m going back to my place in the city tomorrow and I’ll need to get back to the swing of things, law school and all.
Anyway, 2013 has taught me a lot of things that might sound cliche but it did happen. It just happened like a puzzle falling in to the right place.
I realized that despite the distance, if you try hard enough, a friendship can be maintained. Facebook, texting and skype is there to make all communication possible. I’ve kept in touch with Nobodies and some of my classmates. I occasionally talk to them via Facebook and I ask them how they’re doing. Just a simple “hi” or a “how are you?” can get the ball rolling. With this, I also realized that you are bound to lose certain people, some that you weren’t close with before and some who were close to you. It’s a learning process and it’s when you know that a person came in to your life for a purpose. I think I’m the cheesy one out of all the bunch of my batchmates, I’m the one that constantly posts about how I miss them and everything. My goodness, my TBT posts for 2013 probably was 90% of my college friends.
It was also a year where I started reconnecting with my high school friends and friends from the states. Although we’re not as connected as we were before but I’m still grateful that they took the time to check up on me and congratulate me and I, in return, blessed to have the time to reply to them.
Another realization that I’ve had in 2013 was that I am old, not in the way that I hate loud music old but old in a sense that I became more aware of what is around me. I’ve come to a point sometimes that I’d scold someone for having a bad attitude. Also, I’ve learned how to give advice to someone who needs it. I mean, I used to do it before but sometimes I think it was just BS I got from movies but last year, it was like there was something in it. It was like I was putting my heart in the advice that I gave. I became more worldly and conscious about other people’s feelings. I still enjoy Disney cartoons, Justin Bieber (SOMETIMES) and other teen stuff but often times, my adult self takes over. I guess you could say, 2013 was the time I’ve honed my maturity and used it to help others.
Okay, another one is that I became courageous and confident. I became more outspoken and I would not take a person’s crap if I could sense that they were bullshitting me. I believed in myself and when I was given the chance, I’d help someone to accept who they are and be happy with what they have. I became brave and tried new things (hintLawSchoolhint). I had times when I stood up for what I believed in and if I was defeated, at least I got a chance to express what I say. Most of all, I guess this is where the confident “factor” really matters most to me, despite my weight and appearance, I had the confidence to carry myself and not give a damn about what people say. I know that the way I am right now, physically, is not what society’s concept of beauty is and I’m okay with that. I like how I look and if someone tried to change me (and trust me, there has been numerous times of classmates, relatives and even my mother, bullying me and teasing me), I still kept my head up.
I learned to accept failure too in 2013. Law school taught me that despite graduating Cum Laude in college, it isn’t a guarantee that you will excel, or even pass, law school. I’ve failed more times than I can remember and my future in law school is uncertain but I’m not giving it up. I will try. No matter how many times I fail, I will still keep trying. I admit, it was a little hard to accept my failures but in due time, I realized that these are lessons and I need to learn from them. Some lessons I don’t understand now, like I don’t know why they happened, but I believe that in due time, I will understand them.
And I guess, as cheesy and OA as this sounds, I learned that there are actually boys (clam down, just 2 guys that I know and made their feelings known) that like me for who I am. Being out of the loop in the relationship thing for awhile has left me quite “dead” to feelings. I mean, I like someone and all that but I’d never actually thought that the person that I like actually likes me back. Thus, I don’t know how to act when there is that whole “mutual understanding” crap. Right now, I’m still confused about it and I’d rather dismiss the thought but who knows? Maybe 2014 is the time I get into a relationship…but I’m not betting my money on it. Hehe!
Anyway, I guess those are the things that I’ve learned/realized/become in 2013 and I’d like to say au revoir.
Now, bonjour 2014! I do hope that I’ll continue to grow as a person this year and discover things about myself that are actually still hidden. I feel like there is still something that I can offer to the world and I can’t wait to share it. I shall embrace 2014 no matter what! God bless!
I decided to answer this since I was pretty bored. :]
1: What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? I guess entering Law School.
2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think I didn’t make any and I won’t make any for next year because they’re hard to keep. Lol! I’ll just try to be a better person in 2014 than my 2013 self.
3: Did anyone close to you give birth? My law school classmate of mine gave birth, cute baby boy!
4: Did anyone close to you die? No, thank you God.
5: What countries did you visit? Sadly, none. TTnTT
6: What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? Ability to memorize things easily.
7: What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? April 5, 2013 - graduation day, April 11, 2013 - celebrated my birthday with my college classmates.
8: What was your biggest achievement of the year? Graduated cum laude, entered law school and still surviving it.
9: What was your biggest failure? Failing certain subjects in law school.
10: Did you suffer illness or injury? I got sick often.
11: What was the best thing you bought? F21 dresses. I became of an uber dress person this year.
12: Whose behaviour merited celebration? People who weren’t douchebags.
13: Whose behaviour made you appalled? This one person who is super arrogant.
14: Where did most of your money go? Food.
15: What did you get really, really, really excited about? Graduation.
16: What song will always remind you of 2013? I don’t know why buuuut "Wings" by Little Mix.
17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Sadder, the same, the same.
18: What do you wish you’d done more of? Memorize the articles, verbatim.
19: What do you wish you’d done less of? Watching shows and movies, lol!
20: How did you spend Christmas? Reading Obligations and Contracts.
21: Did you fall in love in 2013? In the words of Jeanette Winterson…Yes often. With a view, with a book, with a dog, a cat, with numbers, with friends, with complete strangers, with nothing at all.
22: What was your favourite TV program? Suits
23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Oh yes.
24: What was the best book you read? The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.
25: What was your greatest musical discovery? Vitamin String Quartet
26: What did you want and get? iPhone
27: What did you want and not get? Range Rover, lol!
28: What was your favourite film of this year? The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Surviving law school.
30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Simple & comfy yet adorable? Lol!
31: What kept you sane? Philippians 4:13 ♥
32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Dave Franco
33: What political issue stirred you the most? Pork Barrel
34: Who did you miss? ABEO Legends
35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Don’t let what they say keep you up at night
And they can’t detain you
'Cause wings are made to fly
And we don’t let nobody bring us down
No matter what you say – it won’t hurt me
Don’t matter if I fall from the sky
These wings are made to fly” - Wings by Little Mix
I realized I wasn’t able to do a “Rewind, Pause, Play 2012” and I can pretty sure guarantee why. Senior year was coming and thesis, requirements and graduation was on my mind. I needed to focus! Anyway, since I have the time to do a 2013 one, I’m here.
I have to say, 2013 was a filled with triumphs and failures. I can’t necessarily remember what happened each month so I’ll just clump it with what I can remember.
January-March - It was a full on a fight to the finish. Requirements and deadlines was beating me up and the pressure to graduate was more than ever. Then, throughout all the challenges in college, I got good news, I was graduating and I’m a cum laude. Hoot! Hoo!
April - My birth month! Birthday was amazing because I got to celebrate it with my classmates, barkada and teachers! It was definitely one of the best birthdays I ever had! Another important thing of this month was that it was graduation month! Got my medal and got my diploma! However, it was also time for my to say goodbye to the people who have become important to me for the last four years. I was going back to my home and I don’t know when I’ll be going back to Iligan. Hopefully to claim my yearbook.
May - Summer officially started for me this month. Read a lot of books and also dared to do something new, I decided to officially enter law school. It has been my plan years before to go to law school after I graduate college, I thought it was just going to be a phase but damn, I went through with it. I took the entrance exam, passed and then succeeded in the interview. I was quite excited and scared for it.
June-October - The start of something new, Law School. It was definitely a challenge, holy crap it was. Definitely an entirely different set up. Nothing like college. It’s like a do or die thing and you have to freaking read a lot, a whole lot. There were times I cried, yes, and times I thought about quitting but I never did. I persevered.
November-December - Second semester is up. Yup, I continued. Got my grades and some were disappointing and some were surprisingly good. I’m still treading Law School as cautiously as I can. Everything is so hyped up and I need to keep up with every single thing, every detail.